The struggles of my young motherhood revealed
Good Morning Mama!
This week I came across a journal entry I wrote on January 1, 2017. I wanted to share it with you.
Happy New Year!
2016 went by very quickly. I think parenting two children makes days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months—and now months are starting to turn into years. The new word for my 2017 is BALANCE.
I was very tired at the end of 2016 because my life was so out of balance. I worked too much and spent too much energy devoted to a job that was only temporary. I was determined not to let my job dictate my life that year, which required saying no more and possibly earning a little less.
I didn’t want my kids to miss out on a mom who was available mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually because of a client.
I wanted to be more present for them and help them discover their passions and talents through trying various activities and teaching them more from home.
Remy is so gifted at math, memorization, reading, understanding why and how things work, building and deconstructing—and he loves his family deeply.
He struggles with patience and fear the most. He needs more courage and trust in his life. I need to help build that.=
Addy is very smart, quick to catch on, empathetic, concerned, loving, compassionate—and she loves cars more than dolls. She loves reading and has impeccable fine-motor skills. She loves using her hands and responds deeply to music. She adores her brother and wants to do everything with him.
She struggles with patience and being apart from her family, as her deepest love languages are physical touch and quality time.
I needed to pray more, acquire less, speak more kindly, and trust that everything good and difficult was going to come together. There was a plan. I needed to wait for it to unfold.
Help me see glimpses and be ready.
Looking Back
My life was so chaotic during this time. My husband and I were working as much as we possibly could and hiring babysitters to care for our kids while we worked tirelessly to put ourselves back into a position of homeownership.
My husband worked long days as a shift worker, and we would pass out at night from utter exhaustion from the daily grind.
We wondered if we would ever get off this hamster wheel. One Christmas, I couldn’t make it to my daughter’s preschool concert. I had a class to instruct, and the thought of losing income around Christmas felt more important than attending the concert.
I hired a babysitter—someone who was like family—to take the kids. To this day, I regret that decision deeply. Not because she wasn’t incredible, but because my priorities were out of order.
Did we get back to homeownership and get our family where we wanted to be?
Yes.
Did we sacrifice time with our kids that we can’t get back?
Sadly, yes.
The Turning Point
What I did in this journal entry was begin to imagine what I didn’t want my life to feel like. It took time to let go of the things I thought were important and replace them with my true values.
The moment I put my thoughts and feelings on paper, the wheels began to turn in the right direction. I could finally see where I wasn’t happy.
I could have never envisioned going back to school, starting my own business, becoming fully self-employed, setting my own hours, and being available every single hour my kids needed me at the moment I wrote that entry.
I’m grateful I made the conscious decision that sacrificing my time with them wasn’t what I wanted in the long run.
The universe co-created the life I dreamed of—but I definitely took the long route to get there.
Your Turn
If you were to write a journal entry about how you feel in your motherhood right now, what message would it be sending you?
Take a moment. Let the pen flow on paper. Don’t hold back.
Who do you want to be for your kids?
What can you slowly begin to let go of so your motherhood feels calmer and less chaotic?
I believe you can create the type of balance you’re longing for—one where you get to keep and prioritize yourself without sacrificing the little people in your world. 🙂
If you feel like sharing, hit reply and tell me where you feel overwhelmed in motherhood right now—and what you’d love it to feel like in the near future.
With love and light,
Chantelle
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